


'pag nawala doon lang mamimiss (paalam sa halik mong matamis)

by wartransmission



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Second person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6428932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s pathetic, how you’d expected it to happen. It’s pathetic that you’ve been waiting for this, almost impatiently, as though reaching this one goal would confirm everything that you’ve ever known and understood about yourself, as though hearing those exact words would affirm just who you are.</p><p>It’s pathetic, how anxiously you’ve been waiting for the moment that Kuroo would tell you that he’s finally, finally, fed up with you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'pag nawala doon lang mamimiss (paalam sa halik mong matamis)

It’s pathetic, how you’d expected it to happen. It’s pathetic that you’ve been waiting for this, almost impatiently, as though reaching this one goal would confirm everything that you’ve ever known and understood about yourself, as though hearing those exact words would affirm just who you are.

It’s pathetic, how anxiously you’ve been waiting for the moment that Kuroo would tell you that he’s finally, _finally_ , fed up with you.

(It’s pathetic, how you’d known that this would happen at all.)

You look up at him, watching him sweat and fidget as he avoids your gaze, like his eyes meeting with yours would melt him right through to the core. _Guilty_ , you snap inside your head, a small part of you utterly betrayed that he would think to cheat on you at all. Yet a louder voice drowns the first voice out as if it were a flickering candle in a thunderstorm, repeating in your head over and over and over again:

“ _Finally, finally, finally. Why did you have to wait six years for this? Why did you have to be so kind?_

_Why did you wait for so long to remind me that I’m not meant for love?”_

“Tetsurou,” you say, poker face in place as you watch him jolt in response to your call.

 _‘Why have you been staying out longer than you’ve been staying at home the past few days?’_ the voice inside your head asks.

“You can take off your coat if it’s too hot,” you say instead, raising an eyebrow at him when he laughs nervously in reply, as if he’s just realized that he _could_ do that.

“Right, ‘course,” he murmurs, syllables stumbling together as he throws a grin at you before slipping out of his coat and hanging the garment over the back of his chair. He wipes at his forehead none too discreetly, the look on his face telling of his struggle with trying to appear casual despite his nervousness.

Again, the small, betrayed voice inside your head tries to ask, _‘Who have you been secretly calling whenever you think I’m asleep, Kuroo? Whose lipstick was on your cheek that one night?’_

Again, you ignore it.

“Of course,” you repeat, smirking wryly as you watch him fumbling with his fork for a bit.

_‘Were they kind to you? Did they love you in ways I couldn’t?’_

“Is there a special occasion I wasn’t aware of?” you ask him in reference to the unusually fancy restaurant you’re eating in, letting your gaze stay unwavering on Kuroo and his subtly anxious smile. Unspoken, you think _, I certainly hope that they were good to you, because you cheating on me will be so much worse if you didn’t do it for anyone good enough_.

“Not really?” Kuroo say-asks, somehow forcing himself to relax as he smooths out the wobbly curve of his lips. “Yaku had the reservations first, which is pretty awesome in itself, but things happened with Lev…”

“The usual, then,” you say dryly, trying your hardest not to think of how he’s trying to buy your silence, your calmness, by treating you to a place that screams _“extremely cheesy and perfect place for a romantic date,”_ as though there were a need to treat you this well at all when all he plans to do by the end is end things with you.

_What is the point of all of this?_

“Hey, we got lucky with this one, so neither of us can really complain,” Kuroo points out, grinning teasingly right before eating up a forkful of creamy fish fillet.

“I’m not complaining,” you say, shaking your head before forcing yourself to eat at least two bites of the fish. You feel too sick to actually eat anything, just the idea of putting food in your stomach making your viscera twist in complaint; it’s as if your body, after years and years of trying not to feel too much for anything, is suddenly trying to break itself down for falling in love with anyone- with _Kuroo_ \- at all.

If you could be more honest with yourself (which you aren’t), you’d admit that it’s partially your fault that this happened in the first place.

After all, why would anyone cheat on anyone, if they were truly happy with their first partner?

“Kuroo-san,” you say, breathing in slowly when Kuroo blinks and looks up at you. The reaction is less surprised than before, probably because Kuroo has soothed his nerves acting up since earlier, having noticed that you noticed him acting nervously.

“Kuroo-san again?” he asks, amused smile curling at the corners of his lips. Just the _sight_ of it makes your brain run wild with thoughts of whether or not it was _that_ smile that pulled in whoever it was that Kuroo cheated on you with, whether or not it was his kindness beneath a teasing persona, or his tendency to rile people up, or his stupid _looks_ that got that person attracted to him in the first place.

“Could you just tell me whatever it is you want to tell me?” you say bluntly, watching as he blinks, slowly, in comprehension, before growing red-faced in what you think is shame.

“What?” he asks weakly, as though he can still pretend that he has nothing to hide, that everything is still perfectly fine and dandy and he hasn’t just fucked around with whoever else it was he was fucking around with.

“My eyesight is shit, but I’m not blind,” you drawl, finding some odd comfort in how he’s squirming in his chair in discomfort. _If anything, you can at least say that_ you _weren’t the one looking pathetic during the break-up._ “You’ve been hiding something from me.”

“…shit,” he murmurs after a long moment of silence, the curse sounding bitter and awkward on his tongue as he frowns to himself.

You sigh in what sounds like relief, but what feels like a heavy weight on your chest. It’s true that it’s freeing, knowing that you were right about him, but it still makes you feel ill knowing that he would ever choose to be with another person when he still hasn’t ended his relationship with you. You had thought, at least, that he would have been respectful enough to break things off with you first before finding someone else to be with. Impatiently, you say, “So?” _How will you end it, Kuroo-san? How will you tell me what you’ve done, if you’ll tell me at all?_

“This is so unromantic, Kei,” he says, laughing awkwardly as he sits back in his chair. “You couldn’t have at least let me keep it a surprise for until later?”

“I hate surprises,” you deadpan, the tone of your voice somehow earning a laugh from Kuroo again.

“I’d hoped you would at least let me have this one, but I guess this is what happens when your boyfriend is too smart for his own good,” he says, and- oddly enough- it still feels affectionate as ever. It’s as if there is still some amount of fondness hiding beneath his words trying to find its way out of his voice to reach you, to try and reassure you that you’re loved even when you’re _not_ because why would anyone cheat on another person if they still loved them?

“Guess I’ll have to come right out and say it, huh?” he asks.

You cock your head, smirking in an attempt at wry amusement even when what you’re truly feeling is far from it. “That’d be nice, yes.”

He breathes in, exhales, then says, “Okay.” He repeats the same procedure- breathing in, breathing out, perhaps trying to calm himself again- before shifting in his seat, taking out his clenched hand to rest it on the table beside his plate, and looking up at you to say, “Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with me?”

…. _what?_

It seems that your brain shut down for a moment, because all you can think to say out loud in response is,

_“What?”_

Kuroo laughs at the look on your face- probably very unattractively shocked, with a gaping mouth and too-wide eyes- as he opens the red box sitting in his hand, revealing a simple platinum band. “I’m asking you to marry me, Kei. What else were you expecting?”

“Not,” you stutter, so caught by surprise that you barely notice the rush of heat to your cheeks, “not _that._ ”

“Well then,” he grins widely, looking far too happy with himself for some reason, “I guess that’s one point for me since I still got to surprise you.” Then, with his lips pressed together in curiosity, he asks, “What _did_ you think I was going to say?”

All too suddenly, you can feel the intensity of the warmth on your face, and you can’t figure out how to speak. How could you even think to _reply_ at this point, when this was the _last_ thing that you’d expected he’d say?

“Kei?” Kuroo asks again, hints of concern seeping into the tone of his voice.

Mortified, you murmur under your breath with your gaze lowered to your lap, “I thought you were going to break up with me.”

Silence.

You look up, golden gaze peeking through long lashes as you try to get a look at Kuroo’s expression. He’s staring right at you when you finally look at him, his mouth imitating that of a goldfish’s as it opens and closes in what seems to be sheer bewilderment. Even the high pitch of his voice is telling of his flabbergasted state as he asks, “ _What_? Why would you think that?”

You raise your head further at that, feeling the past few weeks’ frustration rising and bubbling in your chest as you say in an accusatory tone, “You’ve been staying out later than usual, you’ve been trying to talk to someone behind my back whenever you think I’m asleep, and there was _lipstick_ smudged on your cheek when you came home one night.”

“Oh,” he begins, blinking in bemusement, until the expression on his face clears to make way for wide-eyed understanding. He says again, “ _Oh_. That was Shimizu, when she pecked me on the cheek as thanks for taking care of you. I asked her to help me choose a ring, and I had to call her and your other former teammates a lot to get tips for the proposal I was going to do.” There’s short moment of silence before he starts to look somewhat troubled, and he asks, brown-eyed gaze rising to meet honey-brown ones, “You really think I’d cheat on you?”

_Yes, I did._

You swallow to try and push down the guilt blocking your throat.

“…it was the only explanation that seemed plausible,” you explain, words coming out in an almost incoherent mumble as you purse your mouth in an attempt to hide your embarrassment. “The lipstick was incriminating evidence, Kuroo-san.”

“Wait,” he says, holding up his other hand as he shuts the ring box with his other one. “Can’t you go back to using my first name, at least? You kind of owe me for that rude misunderstanding,” he says, and you start to feel the weight of your guilt on your back at mentally accusing him of being disloyal, until he smiles softly at you and reaches out an open palm on the table as an offering of forgiveness. “But I guess it was kind of my fault for being so obvious in my attempts at sneakiness,” he adds, voice soft with what you feel- and you’re very familiar with this, having heard this same tone of voice for a long time ever since you got together with Kuroo- is unstifled fondness.

“Kind of, yes,” you agree, biting your lip for a fraction of a second in slight guilt, before swallowing your worrying feelings down and taking Kuroo’s hand in acceptance. You don’t smile- that’s too cheesy in this moment, even for your tastes-, but you do smirk wryly, having realized what a big misunderstanding Kuroo had started from being so secretive with his attempt at a romantic proposal. “Try better next time, maybe,” you offer, squeezing his hand and, perhaps just a bit, smiling with what could be fondness or amusement as you look right at him.

“It won’t be the same if I try to do the marriage proposal again, though,” he moans in complaint, lips in a pout as he squeezes your hand inside his. “It’s not as surprising or exciting when you know that it’s coming.”

“I’ll just say yes now, then, so you don’t have to try again,” you say casually, head cocked to one side as you regard him with a raised brow. “That should be fine, right?”

He gawps.

And gawps.

And gawps.

All too quickly, the entertainment value of Kuroo’s face (hah) loses its appeal when he keeps wearing the same expression for fifteen seconds straight.

Your eyebrow rises higher at his stupefied reaction, almost as if trying to reach your hairline, and you ask, “Was that too surprising for you? I thought that you’d see that coming.”

He swallows; you notice this because of the short bob of his Adam’s apple against his throat. “S-seriously? Kei, if you’re kidding me,” he warns, to which you laugh nigh instantly because of the nervous cracking in his voice.

“Do I look the type to joke about marriage proposals?” you ask again.

He actually pauses for a moment, and you roll your eyes. “That was an entirely serious answer, Tetsurou,” you say, before twitching a bit in surprise when he jolts to attention at the return to the usage of his first name.

Glassy-eyed and voice wobbling, he asks, “Kei, are you really..?” As if you’d ever even _joke_ about such a long-term commitment, though you can guess that it’s less because of him feeling actual doubt and more because he finds it difficult to believe that his wish is actually being granted in that moment, even though it’s just a ‘yes’ to a lifelong commitment with your not-entirely-nice self.

You honestly don’t understand how he can still see so much _good_ in you when you always try to push against him, over and over and over again and without tiring of it.

But if he wants to commit himself to you, if he wants to let people know that you’re his and he’s yours, then who are you to even think of saying no? (Especially when you know that it’s something that you want just as much for yourself?)

“Yes, I’ll endure the unnecessary processes involved that tie my name to yours,” you deadpan, before rolling your eyes and sighing in affectionate exasperation when he actually _bursts into tears_. Granted, they’re still very manly tears; he manages to look not as pathetic as anyone else would (i.e. Hinata), and that makes you feel more than a tinge of amusement for being able to witness it at all in person. Tone hinting at your enjoyment of his facial expression, you ask, “Really, Tetsurou?”

“I have good reason to cry right now, so don’t even think of stopping me,” Kuroo retorts, voice cracking around the edges with every rise in his tone. He sniffles, before wiping furiously at his eyes with the sleeve of his long-sleeved button-up shirt.

You smirk. “Feel free to cry into your food, then.”

He frowns, but it’s weak in comparison to the affection practically pouring in waves just from his soft gaze towards you, so you don’t worry yourself over it too much. (At this point, it honestly feels kind of pointless to worry about the genuineness of Kuroo’s feelings towards you when it’s quite clear that he has been, and will likely remain to be, soppy at you for as long as he’s physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of it.)

It’s a pretty good way to continue the day (seeing as it hasn’t ended yet), considering how you begun it with constantly niggling feelings of worry and betrayal in the back of your mind.

It seems like you might get your happy ending after all.

**Author's Note:**

> hAPPY APRIL FOOLS'!!! HAHAHAHA


End file.
